read between the runs

i’m not scared of dying (not anymore, at least). and i don’t have much concern about being remembered past the duration of my life. it just isn’t that important to me. think of me akin to the sage hazel grace from The Fault in Our Stars. the lot that i hold in life is exactly what i need, and at the time of my death, i am sure i will be happy with all that i have been able to accomplish, irrespective of the breadth of my impact, even if it is limited to a small circle.

i know that i am meant to do great things with my life. i believe in myself enough to know that this is true. i haven’t the faintest idea what it will be, and i’m working on manifesting it. but whatever those “great things” are, i am disconnected to whatever their half life will be. it may all amount to long term nothing, and i am content with that.

however, what does scare me is growing older and forgetting who the me of the past was. the person that i was has altogether influenced me into developing into the me i am, and the me i will become, so forgetting the steps on the journey terrifies me. to combat this, i’ve begun taking more pictures of experiences and moments, which i turn into a quasi-scrapbook at the end of each year. i tried journaling, i tried spamming thoughts into google docs, and doing weekly summaries as instagram posts on hidden accounts. i fell out of these habits eventually, and i hope to go back to them soon. but for now, this is my new attempt to avoid personal oblivion.

there is a quote by seneca the younger that essentially inspired this post. i didn’t know how to commence this whole journey in this space, and as i basked in the houston sun his quote popped into my mind and i knew i had a starting point.

our lives are finite, with their length predetermined by destiny or a higher power; you choose. i hope to lead a long life, but if that is not an opportunity i am afforded, i am grateful for the time i had, and for getting to know who i am. there have been fewer pleasures greater than exploring my interests, loves, and quirks.

i want to use this blog as a space for me to discuss (maybe just to myself) whatever is on my mind at a given time. i make no devotion to singular topics nor a schedule. when i have a time and a passion, you’ll find me back here. i hope that happens to be more regular than not, but time will tell.

either way, i’ll always be somewhere avoiding personal oblivion.

“on him does death lie heavily, who, but too well known to all, dies to himself unknown.”

Seneca the Younger

do great; be happy